Proper 18 Year A 9/10/2023
Ezekiel 33:7-11; Psalm 119:33-40; Romans 13:8-14; Matthew 18:15-20
Rev. Mark A. Lafler
Today as we continue our theme on Relationships…
Conflict and forgiveness…
We move on from Romans 12…
From the last two weeks…
And we will engage with Matthew 18 today and next week.
And it is in our reading today that we find Jesus actually giving us a formula of how we should respond to sin, conflict, and disputes with other believers in Jesus Christ.
We all have conflict in our relationships.
People will sin against us.
If we have relationships with other people,
they at some point will fail us, hurt us,
or at the very least (perhaps unintentionally) cause us pain…
At the very least emotionally.
Although there is not always a “least thing” about our emotional well-being.
Whether in our church family or in the families we were raised in…
Whether in the workplace or the place of our community…
Someone at some point will do something…
Or say something…
That will shame us…
Frustrate us…
Hurt us…
And at that moment we will have conflict in our relationship.
And at that moment we will have a decision before us.
What are we going to do about this offense?
Jesus speaks directly to that today in Matthew 18.
But before we look at our text…
I want to point out that most of the time…
if we are able to…
We should overlook the offense.
Proverbs 12.16 says:
Fools show their annoyance at once,
but the prudent overlook an insult.
If we had to air out every time someone offended us…
That is probably all we would ever be doing in society countless times each day.
It would be nonstop meetings of how we offend everyone.
It is good to overlook most offenses.
And when we do,
we should make sure that we are truly overlooking the insult.
To truly overlook an offense is a form of forgiveness…
It involves a decision to not talk about it…
(to tell five other people that your overlooking what they did is not really overlooking it… that’s gossip… don’t talk about it)…
Overlooking is not to dwell upon it (sometimes that takes prayer and time)…
And do not say you are overlooking it, but the truth is that you really are becoming just more bitter and angry.[1]
(That’s not really overlooking it either).
It you are able to truly overlook it, good.
However, there are many times that we are unable to just overlook an offense.
So, Jesus gives us a pattern to follow.
A formula.
We actually do not find a lot of patterns and formulas in the Bible…
But we do have one here.
The first thing we should do is this.
Jesus says:
If another member of the church sins against you,
go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone.
If the member listens to you,
you have regained that one.
For many of us this is the hardest step.
So many people run from conflict…
They avoid it like a deathly plague…
And instead of trying to resolve it by talking to the person…
They will harbor bitterness…
And anger…
Perhaps even inventing a false reality of which they live in.
All because they just don’t want to have a conversation that might be a bit contentious.
But Jesus calls us to have that conversation.
If you have an ought against someone…
If you have an offense against someone…
If you are hurt from something that someone did or said…
You are to go to that person in private and have a conversation.
A good deal of the time when we actually start the hard conversation,
We realize that it was a misunderstanding or miscommunication.
Those can be resolved fairly easily.
Now, I need to say this:
there are certainly occasions where it is best to skip to the second step…
Abuse, violence, things that are sexual in nature…
Certain things should not be done alone in confrontation.
The victim might be too vulnerable.
I do not think that Jesus has in mind here a victim of abuse going to talk to their abuser in a private conversation.
Certain things should move on to step two or perhaps even involve contacting law enforcement.
That situation is different from what we are talking about today.
So, what is step two?
Jesus says:
But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you,
so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
At this point, you get some trustworthy help,
and you talk with them again.
It is still not common knowledge (public knowledge) what happened.
But there is some mediation going on here.
Most conflicts might be resolved here.
But Jesus knows that not all will.
He gives a third step:
If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church;
and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church,
let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
At this point, the conflict has gone public.
The one who has sinned is being asked to make a public confession.
If the person still refuses…
They probably need to break from the fellowship…
Not because everyone hates them now…
But with the goal of restoration.
This whole process…
All three steps…
The goal is to have the relationship restored.
And this last bit about binding on earth and heaven and loosening on earth and heaven is referring to the authority of the church and the discipline of the church.
(That can be a sermon for a whole other day.)
Relationships are hard work…
And thankfully, Jesus gives us a pattern to follow.
But this is where the Gospel comes in.
So far, most of what I have shared today is the Law.
Behave this way.
Treat others in this way.
Do things like this.
This is all law language.
Without the Gospel all the law gives us is condemnation.
Yet the Gospel… the good news of Jesus Christ…
Is freedom…
It is grace…
It is mercy…
Which is why St. Paul can declare:
Therefore,
there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.
If all we have is this the law…
We will surely never make it.
But through Christ Jesus we have the Gospel.
The Gospel of grace.
And it’s this Gospel of Jesus that informs our relationships with others.
We are not left to our own devices to figure out every conflict, difficulty, and struggle we have with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.
This is the beauty of the last bit of our reading today in Matthew…
Where Jesus says:
…truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask,
it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.
For where two or three are gathered in my name,
I am there among them.
We often use this verse as a way of confirming in prayer that Christ is with us.
As long as there is more than one person, then Christ Jesus is with us.
The verse is included in the famous prayer by St. Chrysostom:
Almighty God, you have given us grace at this time with one accord to make our common supplication to you; and you have promised through your well-beloved Son that when two or three are gathered together in his Name you will be in the midst of them…
It is a prayer most of us say in our morning prayers.
But the actual words of Jesus are found here in Matthew 18…
in the context of conflict and restoring relationships…
And what follows (next week’s reading) is forgiveness.
So, this idea of when two or three are gathered and Christ is present is very Gospel focused…
You see the primary ethos of the Gospel is God redeeming his creation…
Particularly, humankind coming back to relationship with him…
Reconciliation…
To be reconciled back to God.
It has to do with being made present with God again.
And this is made possible by the work of Jesus Christ on the cross…
And through his resurrection…
We can be reconciled to God…
By grace…
through faith…
through believing…
This means that we are to be made right and present with him once again.
The Gospel of grace is the promise that God through Christ Jesus will be present in our life through the power of the Holy Spirit.
So, the promise of the Gospel here in our text is that when two or three people are working through the difficulties of relationship…
Jesus is present right in the midst of that struggle,
that conflict,
that very real emotional turmoil.
We are not alone in our relationships.
And this is what it means to have the Gospel inform our relationships…
To have them infused by Jesus Christ.
We are not alone…
Even when we have the difficult work of restoring relationships.
If we just focus on ourselves and our pain in the midst of a relationship conflict… we will struggle.
But if we look at how Christ is present and working in the midst of a relationship conflict… we will find life.
May we all be encouraged today…
All of us…
Because I doubt there is one person here who has not struggled with conflict in a relationship.
God cares so deeply about us and our relationships.
Actually, he cares more deeply about them then we do.
Let him be in the midst of them.
Invite the Gospel of Jesus Christ into our conflicts.
Invite him to be present in them.
May we prayerfully do that…
As we follow the teachings of our Lord.
May we continue to grow in Christ Jesus and all the goodness that he brings in this life…
and in the life to come.
Amen.
[1] Ken Sande, The Peacemaker (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 1991, 2004), 25.